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Top Fives

Top 5:

e numbers:

  1. E145 - Really mellow, with fruity and slightly acidic resonances
  2. E35 - A really exciting number, with very dark oaky flavours.
  3. E678 - A very new world e number, a risky decision with say puoltry, but definitely a dessert e number.
  4. E76 - Good E number for cheeses.
  5. E813- Fantastic for true conossieurs. makes your tongue purple.

Sections of newspaper to line rabbit hutches with:

  1. News, it's all bad anyway
  2. Sport, realistically, who actually reads this.
  3. Bussiness. If you're so sucessful why have you got time to read this?
  4. Jobs. I read the times, where all the careers have six figure starting salaries. All I want is a job in pizza hut. £5 an hour would be great.
  5. Intergalactic Space Wars section.

garish patterns:

  1. um
  2. ah
  3. this
  4. doesn't really
  5. work in text. That one with the swirls and the circles. You know?

Sizes of cardboard

  1. Massive
  2. No quite massive
  3. Quite big
  4. Big
  5. Sort of average size.

Double Barrelled names

  1. Pontington-Smythe
  2. Streeb Greebling (courtesy of Peter Cook)
  3. Grenshaw-Terragon
  4. Jojoba-Flimshaw
  5. Thompkinson-Grendlesnitch

Top five favourite cakes

5. Lemon drizzle
4. Fruit cake
3. Sultana loaf
2. Chocolate fudge cake
1. Ginger cake

Top five most annoying words

5. Innit
4. Basically
3. Goodies (what are they anyway! That girl sings about them, is it naughty? It makes me think of goodie bags, you know, full of sparkly pencils and a slice of cake in a napkin...)
2. Equity
1. Twaddle

 

Top five Most bizzarre sights on public transport

5. The entire population of wales
4. Giant inflatable map of Bristol city centre
3. A nun
2. A magician in drag
1. Bill oddie

Top five Best parties

5. Not your own party (other people's are always much better)
4. One where there isn't a har-mar superstar-look a like stripper
3. One where your grandma doesn't get drunk and dance to "Mambo number 5"
2. One where your parents don't get drunk and dance sans music before being sick on the tour guide/coach driver
1. The one's where you can have all the cake. And eat it.

Top five Worst gigs

5. Tina Tuner on ice
4. Barry Manalow plays the hits
3. Anything by anyone who uses the phrase "Goodies" in a song
2. Chas and Dave go opera
1. Westlife

 

 

How about... three things I don't want to see whilst you're falling unconscious:

 Ricky Gervais removing his belt.
 Justin Hawkins removing his belt.
 Little Britain. It's shit.

 

Or three things I wouldn't expect to find in my pocket:

 Mice. Never really liked furry animals
 A phone box. It's too big, stupid.
 Money.

 

 
 


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